A lot of young and matured ladies unfortunately are on this side of the table. You always hear complains like; “We were having a good time with each other and all of a sudden, he just changed and started avoiding me. I really don’t know what I have done wrong”.
This is the reason we took out time to address four major reasons why these things happen to be a major occurrence in the lives of some ladies. Stated below are four major reasons
1. MAKING FINANCIAL DEMANDS TOO EARLY.
When a Man starts getting close to you, and he’s interested in you, the wise and responsible ones will treat you specially so you get the message. But, don’t be fooled, they are observing you to know what type of lady you are.
So he tells you let’s go shopping, and he tells you pick anything you want, aunty!!! use your head, don’t go and pick something that you with your six months salary cannot afford.
Tell him to pick for you. You don’t even know how much he earns yet. Many ladies have lost good husband materials because of their “opportunity comes but once” mentality.
He takes you out, and you order for the most expensive dish on the menu, and then order for take away for you and your three roommates, and the one you will warm and eat the next day… I raise my two hands for you.
He asked to take you out, and you came along with your two friends, and all of you start to order and eat like people that just finished 40 days dry fasting.
He has not even told you I love you, you are already demanding for sub money, money for hair, money for birthday, money for quarantine.
When he now probably ask you out, What will you ask for? The head of John the Baptist?
“Sister, what is the color of your problem? Spiritual green or Financial yellow?”
See, a kind hearted man doesn’t need a lady to ask him for money, his love will make him do that naturally even without her asking. A Woman doesn’t need to make demands from her Man, her good character puts her in his budget.
As a lady, have a job, be doing something, be able to meet your basic needs so you can be independent to the point a Man who Is asking you out will be begging you to collect money from him, not the other way round.
2. DEMANDING OR FORCING COMMITMENT TOO EARLY.
So he has asked you out on a date or two, he still hasn’t asked you to marry him. it’s not even up to a month you guys became quiet close and all…Aunty, calm down.
Even if you like him already, even if you can’t wait to be in a relationship, or to be in a relationship with him, don’t let him sniff desperation around you.
As much as is possible, let the commitment start from him, so you will be sure he is interested in you, and not that he is taking advantage of your OBVIOUS interest in him. And also, this can spook him and make him run away like a scared animal.
After two dates, you have used his picture to do your WhatsApp Dp, even asking him when is he coming to see your parents, Aunty!!! don’t you fear God?
He is still making up his mind, he is still checking you out, and you should be doing the same too, not trying to hassle and force commitment out of him. Calm down.
Single-hood is not leprosy.Aghogho Obrirhe
He hasn’t asked you out, you saw him with another lady, and you are demanding an explanation. Explanation of how the earth was formed or explanation of what exactly? You traced the lady you saw him with to her Facebook page, sent her a message to stay away from your Man.
Aunty which Man?Are you a serial killer?
Enjoy the journey, enjoy the attention and budding friendship. Try not to involve your heart or show it too early till you are sure of certain things, (red flags, yellow flag, his character, compatibility etc).
Don’t be that lady that when a guy will make the “mistake” of calling her more than once in a day, she have started dating him in her mind.
Aunty, you see love and Relationship, it Is sweeter and deeper when it is given time. Real Relationships are like Beans, they require a little more time to cook than instant noodles will require.
3. YOU START BOSSING HIM.
Nobody likes bossy people, even a boss that is bossy. As a lady, one thing that can send a potential Suitor running in the opposite direction is being Bossy.
“No Man wants to marry another man as his wife.”
He just told you he thinks he likes you, the whole thing Is still trying to take off, and you have already started to boss him around and commanding him like his father.
He hasn’t really made a decision, you are already telling him what to wear, where to go, where not to go, who to talk to, who not to talk to.
You are already changing his wardrobe Lambasting his actions, condemning his choices, approving and disapproving things that he hasn’t put under your powers to. Making him change basic things that have been an integral part of his life just because you don’t like them.
Making it so he has to go through you for his daily activities and choices, and when he doesn’t seek your approval, you lambaste him. You have basically started to run his life, be in charge, when he hasn’t even handed you any real position in his life.
I can speak for myself, I will run.. And I know majority of Men will.
You see us Men, we are built with a “fight or flight ” response to being bossed around.
He’d run from you. Usually when a Relationship hasn’t really started, men do flight mode.
Consciously or Unconsciously, he’d begin to use everything in his power to try to make you submit. This mostly happens when a Relationship has started. Fight or Flight, you don’t need either response from a Man.
Aunty, a Relationship is not a military operation and you are not a general.
Relax, and let some things be as they are, whether you like them or not. You don’t have to be in charge of everything.
4. DUMPING GARBAGE ON HIM TOO EARLY.
Love grows deeper and stronger with time. In the beginning, Uncle is simply attracted, he is trying to figure out his emotions and what he wants from you, he’s trying to determine if he can spend the rest of his life with you, as you should be also doing once you sense he is interested in you and you are beginning to like him too. BUT he is not fully in love yet per-say,
You can’t be telling a Man on the first date how you came from a dysfunctional family, how your younger brother is a cultist who is currently on death roll, how you are 32 and really want a husband fast so your husband can help train your younger ones through school.
Some ladies can talk, they’ll download their entire history to anybody willing to listen in just one hour. That’s how some ladies will go on a date and dump things they should keep to themselves on a Man they just met.
There are things about yourself you can reveal to a man before he has declared his intentions, and things you only reveal after He has declared his intentions. There are things only a Man who has said and done something serious should Hear.
“Don’t spoil show for some of us that are waiting to eat your wedding rice, keep some things to yourself.”
No Man wants to hear by the first time he is meeting you how you had a troubled childhood, you have done an abortion before, or how you think you have a spiritual problem, or how your family can’t wait for you to be married because you are getting old, etc….
And there are things you tell only a Man who have as well opened up to you about his own secret.
Let him talk first. Then you TALK THE TALK…….
May we not use our own hands to postpone our appointed day of celebration…
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Originally posted 2021-02-06 12:10:00.